How can we write about 2020?
It’s been my practice to write a personal post at the end of each year.
But this year has been so complicated.
I’ve found it at times hard to know what I was feeling. Uncertainty. Pain. Powerlessness. Sadness. Stress. Worry. Anxiety. Depression. Grief. Anger.
Still, I also felt lucky.
I am good at being alone. I was already used to working from home, and I realized how much of a privilege this is.
I’ve always been a fighter
If I feel sad, I want to conquer my sadness and feel happy again.
When I feel angry, I want to push my anger away so I can regain equanimity and get on with my day. When I feel disappointment, I want to get over it as quickly as possible. I want to feel alive, sparkling, and happy.
Self-help books seem to promise us that happiness is always within reach if only we just try harder to be positive.
But from my meditation practice, I’ve learned that happiness doesn’t work that way. The harder I seek to be happy, the more elusive happiness becomes.
Two years ago, I wrote a blog post about learning to sit with negative feelings, like pain, anger, or sadness. When I learned to accept pain, it became easier to find joy.
But this year that was harder.
When overloaded by feelings, it becomes harder to stay present.
One of the most useful meditation practices I’ve learned is to focus for short periods of time. For instance, my focus may be on listening to background noises in my room. After a few seconds, I let go of my focus and I observe what feelings or thoughts come up. But I don’t dive deeply and intensely into my feelings; I stay at the edge before returning my focus on the background noises in my room. I repeat this process of switching my focus for a few minutes.
It helps me find a sense of calm, even when my body feels tense and my mind is overloaded. It’s a way to stay connected with myself.
The route to joy
We don’t like seeing our friends down, depressed, or grieving. We want to take away their pain.
Our natural reaction is to tell people to dance away sadness, to look at the bright side of life.
But psychotherapist Megan Devine found that the best way to support a grieving friend is to acknowledge their pain and to be there with them.
And isn’t that the same for ourselves?
Trying to ignore or push away our pain, only makes the pain grow bigger and angrier.
Just like acknowledging a friend’s pain makes them feel supported, it also works better to acknowledge our own pain.
Yet, staying with the pain can sometimes feel too intense and too overwhelming.
How to tame the big beast
Earlier this year, David Cain wrote a post about taming the beast. You might know it as the anxiety beast, the worry beast, or the dark beast of depression.
Cain suggests we can tame the beast by committing to small acts of defiance—like clearing up some clutter on our desk, cleaning one kitchen cabinet, going out for a walk, or Skyping with a friend.
The beast can feel oppressive, as if there’s no space left for us.
But we always have more wriggle room than we think. We can take a little more control of our lives—even if it doesn’t feel that way. We can create a little space and find freedom to act—even if it feels like our freedom is taken away.
As Viktor E. Frankl writes in his book Man’s Search for Meaning:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
If Frankl, who is a holocaust survivor, can find space for growth and freedom, then it should be possible for you and me, too, to find meaning and joy, no matter how hard life feels.
We’re never completely powerless.
We can choose how we react, keep believing, keep going, and commit to small acts of defiance.
As The School of Life writes:
While we are being rocked by a dark mood, we should strive to keep a little light on, the light of sanity and self-kindness that can tell us, even though the hurricane is insisting otherwise, that (…) we have a right to be. We can strive to keep ourselves plugged into a small pilot light of kindness until a larger sun is ready to rise once more.
We have more power and courage than we think
This year, I found a new balance between doing and being, between small acts of defiance and acknowledgement of pain.
In accepting my powerlessness, I found my inner strength.
Through acknowledging my sadness, I found joy.
Even in the foggy uncertainty, I learned there is always a path ahead, and along the path, there are always moments of joy—right here, right now.
Take good care of yourself, dear reader. I am sending you a message of love, hope, and healing for the new year.
Thank you for reading.
Recommended reading on finding joy:
Doing vs being: The art of getting unstuck
How to find inner peace in 3 steps
How to let go of worries
The Post is orgasmic. Thanks dear Henneke.
But
It’s hard to hold that space…
It’s hard to acknowledge the impermanence of thoughts, feelings and emotions…
It’s hard to always come back in present moment…
Still,
We’ve to keep the shit away that eat us from inside…
We’ve to change our attitude to look the positive things…
We’ve to keep the suffering optional…
Because we’re meant to LIVE not to SURVIVE.
Yes, that’s so true: We’re meant to live, not to survive.
Sometimes, it’s okay to focus on surviving. It’s a first step!
Great piece, Henneke!
Hey, hello, Hongli! Thank you.
You are a gem, Henneke. Motivation with a difference. Embrace the pain. Accepting me wholeheartedly.
I like how you’ve phrased that, Nemo: “accepting me wholeheartedly.” It is hard but it works better. Thank you for stopping by!
Am motivated than ever before. Thank you for your article. God bless you and fellow readers.
Thank you, Festus. I’m glad you feel more motivated.
Found your words are motivational too, Henneke. More descriptive & appealing images. Thanks for sharing! There is a kind of joy conquering the sadness. Realized it now!
Thank you, Mark. Here’s to more joy for all of us!
beautifully written and said …..thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you, Shree.
Thank you, Henneke, for you wonderful article. You teaches us to face writing and life in the right way
Thank you, Maurizio. I feel like I’m just sharing my own journey through the fog. Sending you best wishes for a safe and healthy 2021.
Thank you for giving this motivation. I’m waiting for your future posts.
And Happy New Year.
Thanks for sharing this article.
Happy New Year to you, too, Aaditri.
According to the University of Louisville in Kentucky, men who stay single may die eight to 17 years before married men, while women who stay single may die seven to 15 years before married women. My point is human companionship, be it from a spouse, friend or workmate, is an important factor for joy, health and longevity. I find positives in human interaction and seek it to brighten up my day.
I agree with you about human interaction. That’s why these ongoing lockdowns are so hard.
By the way, I also read somewhere that single women are happier on average than married women, and for men it’s the other way around: single men are less happy than married men. So, marriage isn’t always better. (I’m married.)
Happy New Year, Henneke. Thank you for writing this post, I can relate to it very much – especially making small acts of defiance! xx
Thank you, Marie. Happy New Year to you, too. Here’s to the many small acts of defiance in 2021!
Amazing as always, Henneke!
I will return once more to read it. At the moment, I’m unable to comprehend it entirely since I haven’t digested all the snacks I have been getting through email. Lol!
Have a good one.
Please take your time, Zain. My content will wait until you’re ready 🙂
Henneke
Utiliza uma ferramenta de escrita para o ajudar.
Google Docs
Microsoft Word
Ou o próprio editor wordpress ?
Thanks!
Sorry for the inconvenience
I use Microsoft Word for the first draft & first edit, then finalize editing in WordPress.
Henneke, happy 2021
I like your writing very much, very smooth.
Which writing editor do you use to write?
Thanks!
Thank you so much for your compliment, Robert, and happy 2021 to you, too!
I do all editing myself and don’t use any editing apps.
Happy New Year Henneke!
Thanks for such beautiful words and insights. The part where you write about balance between doing and being really resonated with me. A way to calm myself from anxiety has been writing lists (of feelings, things that worry me…) and transform them into an action plan and to-do lists. Once we acknowledge the beast, it does become a lot smaller.
Cheers to joy this 2021! Sending you virtual hugs from London.
Virginia
Happy New Year, Virginia!
I like your idea of writing a list of feelings and things that worry you, and then transforming it into an action plan. Thanks so much for sharing.
Here’s to lots of joy this year. Sending virtual hugs back from up North! 💜
Dear Henneke, thank you for such insightful and inspiring words so beautifully written and your clever short email. In the sea of Christmas emails, it shined so bright.
I tried meditating again last month (this time with an app which has definitely helped) but have used yoga to find calm and peace and ‘tame the beast’ for a couple of years now. I found myself saying ‘yes’ a lot when reading this and you’ve put my similar thoughts and feelings into such powerful words. I hope I can learn to write better in 2021, all the very best and thanks again, Vicky
Thank you, Vicky, for your lovely comment. It appears to me that many of us have been having similar thoughts and feelings this year (and perhaps even longer). It feels good to know I’m not alone.
Thank you for stopping by. I wish you a healthy and joyful 2021, full of small acts of defiance!
Thank you, dearest Henneke
I wish you also the best year after maybe the worst year to so many people on this planet. It sounds that you are a lot like me the world is a good place to be it is the people that create their own world that complain. They do not understand that they can change everything with the way they are looking at it.
Bless you and may you have the most perfect year for you this time. Lots of Love and a ton of Blessings, not all at once.
This is so true: you can change a lot by changing the way you look at it. It’s not always easy but it can be done.
Thank you, as always, for stopping by Annamarie. I wish you a new year full of love, joy, peace, and lots of small acts of defiance!
Thank you for the inspiration Henneke.
Always a pleasure reading your posts.
Best Wishes in 2021.
Thank you for continuing to read my posts after so many years, Barry. It humbles me.
Best wishes to you for a joyful and safe 2021.
Weep with those who weep.
Whatsoever things are good and noble, think on those things.
Help bear one another’s burdens.
Concentrate on your own daily tasks.
Ancient advice and true!
Loved this post. Thank you!
Yes, that ancient advice is so true and so useful! Thank you for sharing.
Hi, Henneke! Thank you for these words of encouragement. We always have to enjoy every moment even though are tough times. Learn to control our fears, emotions, and to believe in ourselves. Regards
Thank you, Nardi. I’ve found that it’s not really possible for me to control (nor ignore nor fight) my fears and emotions. Instead, what works is to acknowledge or even welcome my emotions and fears, and only then can I let go. Best wishes for a joyful 2021!
Amen. It’s as if you were describing how I have felt this year and the ways I have tried to cope with my emotions.
I will share this article.
Thank you.
It strengthens me to know how many of us have been feeling the same. Thank you, LaShanda, for letting me know (and for sharing this!). Best wishes for a joyful 2021 full of small acts of defiance!
What a beautiful message in word and image. Thank you, Henneke. I love this: “The beast can feel oppressive, as if there’s no space left for us. But we always have more wriggle room than we think. ” I know the feeling and find my wriggle room also through meditation and small acts. Nice to know so many feel the same. Wishing you peace and joy in 2021!
Thank you, Christine. It is indeed good to notice how many people have has similar experiences this year. It makes us all feel connected.
Wishing you peace, health, and joy in 2021, too!
This was lovely and I’ve learned the same things… Thank you for putting it so elegantly.
Thank you, Lisa. It took me some time to find the right words, and I’m glad it resonated.
Awesome read Henneke!
Finding joy is not easier, for those who are not clear about what they want. I see people always try comparing with others and think if they achieve that level, they would find joy.
The question is would they really. Every individual is unique. Certainly, their aspirations, way of finding fun, and the things which make them happy would be different too.
All I know is do whatever one would want to do. that will make them happier. 🙂 Thanks Henneke, you are awesome.
Yes, that’s so right. We’re all unique and we should find out what makes us happy and what success means for us. Too often we’re trying to live up to other people’s standards of success & happiness. It’s a recipe for feeling miserable.
Thank you so much for adding your thoughts, Navin.
Magi travelled far
following ancient starlight
inside them fire
I like the idea of following the ancient starlight. Thank you, Carole.
Henneke, you always touch beyond the craft into the heart of writing and who we are and hope to become. I loved the drawings that summarized your thoughts.
My guiding word for 2021 is “hope.” I saw this yesterday:
Hope is not canceled!
Indeed! Blessings to you this holiday and much hope for you in 2021.
With gratitude…
Thank you Kathryn. I started with the drawings before I could find the words.
And this is so true: Hope is not canceled. It’s definitely not. I like choosing hope as the guiding word for 2021. I might follow you!
Wishing you safe and peaceful holidays, and sending you best wishes for a hopeful and joyful 2021.
So uplifting. Thank you for the post. I enjoyed reading it. I, myself have taken up meditation this year which has been helpful in these uncertain times. Wishes for us all for a better 2021
Thank you, Nendy. I’m glad this felt uplifting to you. Sending you best wishes for a hopeful and joyful 2021.
Thanks for sharing Henneke. The words and drawings you shared make a positive difference for me.
Thank you for letting me know that, Andrea. Here’s to more small acts of defiance in 2021!
Thanks for sharing your beautiful energy through your words. it is very interesting contemporary simple and fruitful article and art. There is not necessary big things to happiness and learn. pls send us such kind of article regularly which will be help to us to motivate toward our duty and works.
thanks
Thank you for your compliment, Shreekrishna. If you’ve found this useful, you may want to check out David Cain’s blog Raptitude. He writes regularly about similar topics. I mostly share writing tips on my blog.
Thank you, Henneke. For courage, wisdom, and guidance. May the sun be in the New Year!
PS – My attempts to do meditation have led nowhere so far. I feel that since I am meditating, it means I want to calm down, which means that something is wrong with me 🙂 Gardening and woodworking work better for me. I think because there I create something that I can touch or eat 🙂
Meditation doesn’t always work for me either. I had a couple of bad experiences and I have had to stop for a few weeks (or even months) sometimes, too. And it definitely doesn’t always calm me down. If I expect meditation to calm me down, it rarely does. If I start my meditation without expectations then I have a good chance that I might actually calm down (as a side-effect). It’s weird.
I think the key is to stay connected to our feelings and there are different ways to do this. Gardening and woodworking sound good to me, too!
Thank you for all your support this year, Michael. I appreciate it.
Brilliant! Your writing is a bright light. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Cynthia. That’s a beautiful compliment.
Henneke, thanks for sending Henrietta over to make sense out of this crazy year. Hope you get to have some peace in these holidays.
I don’t know how Henrietta does it but I’m glad she’s here for us all. I hope you can find some peace over the coming days, too, and I wish you a more joyful 2021. Thank you for stopping by, Elfin. I appreciate it. 💜
A few years ago I needed some direction with my writing skills. I’m not sure how I stumbled upon your blog…but I’m truly grateful that I did. Your work and words speak to me and I enjoy every message that pops up in my inbox. In this world of too much information and too many emails. Yours is still meaningful. Thank you
That’s such a lovely compliment. Thank you, Darci. I’m grateful to have readers like you.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful energy through your words.
Thank you, Karin. It felt good to find the energy to write this.
Beautiful Article. Briefly described.
Thank you, Additya. Happy New Year!
Thank you, Henneke. That was a beautiful post.
Merry Christmas, and love and hope for you also in the new year.
Mark
Thank you, Mark. Wishing you much love and hope for the new year, too. 💜
Thank you for that, it snapped me back to reality.
Great. Thank you, Vincent. Here’s to many small acts of defiance!
One of the things that I have found helpful is to donate money to the IRC the International Refugee Committee. I used to run a clinic for people from that organization and anything that I think is hard in my life pales in comparison. Also, its great because they are helping people in the middle of the epidemic just have clean water and basic food and I have found that the people I have met through this organization are very real and down to earth. Best to All and to all a good night.
Yes, that’s such a good suggestion. I’ve been donating to various organizations, too, and it makes me feel a little better, too. I will add the IRC to my list for Christmas donations.
Such an insightful and heart-warming post Henneke and your drawings are exquisite. From my heart to yours, I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas and a new year full of love, promise, joy, and possibilities. ♡
Thank you, Joan, for your warm-hearted comment and well wishes. I hope you and yours have a safe and peaceful Christmas and a joyful new year full of love. 💜
Great article that is inspiring and hope we are through this foggy year soon. Thanks
Merry Christmas
Yes, there are only a few days left in this foggy year. Let’s hope next year is better. Merry Christmas!
Thank you, Henneke for your your post.
It is the best article I have read about the end of this peculiar year.
I can say you represent the best example of what a European (please note the adjective “European”) Humanism can express. Happy New Year.
Thank you so much for your compliment and for stopping by again, Maurizio. In these times, it seems important to stay human and to keep connecting, no matter how difficult it can be to find the right words. I’m glad you enjoyed this. Happy New Year to you, too!
Thank you so much, Henneke, for inspiration article 🙂
Thank you, Chooki. Best wishes to you for a joyful New Year! 💜
Thank you Henneke. What a light you are.
Thank you, Suzanne. 💜
Hi Henneke,
Thanks for this marvelous post. Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year! Thanks for your wise insights and wonderful cartoons.
2020 was not so great in many ways but it was TOTALLY TOTAL in one way: I discovered a new meditation teacher, an American monk called Bhante Vimalaramsi, and his meditation center (dhammasukha.org) and did two 10-day online meditation retreats.
I have been meditating for more than 30 years and this meditation is absolutely the best. He teaches us to relax, smile, laugh, have fun, and not take anything too seriously or personally.
With many smiles and much metta,
Rohi
Compared to you, I’m still an absolute beginner in meditation but I’ve seen many benefits from it already.
Much love and kindness to you for the New Year, Rohi, and Happy Holidays!
I loved reading this, Henneke, and like the idea of thinking about lessons instead of achievements. Sometimes I think so much of life is just learning about how to go on – what brings you, for yourself, solace and sustenance and connection to small joys and generosity. I hope you stay safe and have a merry Christmas and a wide open new year. And keep writing. I always look forward to your columns.
I love how you put that, Kim: learning what brings us solace, sustenance, and connection. So true.
I hope you have a safe and joyful Christmas, and best wishes for the New Year!
That was lovely, very timely and excellent advice! Thank you 🙏 🎄😍
Thank you, Pam 🙏💜
So what are your hopes for 2021?
I really don’t know. I feel hopeful but am also mostly focused on the next days and weeks. I think we’ll have a very tough few months ahead of us but hopefully it’ll get better as 2021 progresses.
I hope global warming does not spiral out of control. I hope the Middle East does not explode, that China is kept in check, that the vaccin works, that…
But for you yourself I wish for some real big steps in your recovery.
For Britain, it is hard to know what to wish for…
Yes, I hope all of that, too. I’ve found myself unplugging from the world news in the last couple of weeks as it was getting just too much for me. I can’t completely unplug from the news but limiting it as much as possible makes my health more manageable!
I know. You and I are not the only ones.
Much love!
Henneke,
Your writing captures your spirit and speaks to each one of us. Merry Christmas and wishing you a joyful New Year.
Bruce D Storrs
Thank you so much, Bruce. Wishing you a merry Christmas and joyful New Year, too!
“Never give up. Never Give Up. NEVER GIVE UP!”
Did Winston Churchill said that as a commencement speech? Some people will argue with you that it’s an urban legend.
I don’t care about the origins. I think it’s a good concept.
Thank you Henneke for reminding me of this through your writing and drawings.
The way you approach life always inspires me. Your blog is a gift to the world.
Happy holidays and stay safe.
I have no idea who said (and shouted) that 🙂
I appreciate all your support and encouragement throughout the year, Phil. Thank you. Stay safe and be well, and happy holidays!
I can’t stop smiling every time I read your articles. Thanks for the mentorship sessions even though through email. I admire what you do
Thank you so much, Ethel. That’s lovely feedback. I appreciate it. 💜
It just occurred to me that a collection of your drawings would look good in a museum. They are as good and uplifting as your article.
Awww. What a wonderful compliment. Thank you so much, Mitch.
What an uplifting article! Thank you for your inspirational message. It’s helpful to be reminded that small acts can translate into big relief and joy.
Yes, the small acts can make a big difference. The hardest thing for me is knowing whether I need to be more or do more. Alternating between the two helps.
Thank you for the gift of this lovely inspiration.
Thank you, Emilie 💜
Thank you for this really beautiful post, Henneke. Your blog posts and copywriting courses have kept me inspired, uplifted and motivated throughout this year and really put me on track to doing the work I love most. And I LOVE it that you’re also an origami crane folder – one of the best mindfulness activities there is. Wishing you a happy and peaceful holiday season.
A fellow origami crane folder! How lovely! It’s my go-to activity when I feel too distressed to do anything else, and it always works. It calms me down and gives me hope.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season, too. Happy folding! 💜
Thank you, Henneke! God bless you for your wise words and love. 💝
Thank you so much, Lee. 💜
Admitted to ourselves and to another human being that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Admit the beast is there and that you’re powerless over it. That’s the toehold of strength. Thanks so much Henneke, you are a wise lady. Have a safe and happy holiday season.
Thank you for sharing your story, Joe. That sounds tough. I like your idea of finding the toehold of our strength. We need a little bit of strength and then we can build on it. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season, too.
You always leave me feeling better at the end of your article than when I started reading. ♥️
Your articles are better than therapy. Thank you for what you do, Henneke.
Happy Holidays! And as someone write in their closing to me last week . . .
Stay positive. Test negative.
Awww, that’s a lovely compliment. Thank you so much, Melissa. Happy holidays to you, too.
This was lovely. Happy holidays, Henneke.
Thank you, Christy. Happy holidays to you, too!
When we have too much on our plates, life gets hectic and overwhelming. My strategy is to figure out what’s really important and tackle those things first and let everything else take a back seat until I have more time. For instance, I love to blog, but my dad is more important. So if blogging has to wait a bit because Dad needs or expects me, then I do it early in he morning, or not at all. The world won’t end if I don’t post every single day. My Spanish lesson is important though, so I get it done first thing every morning with my coffee!
Even with very little on my plate, life can still feel overwhelming to me. Unplugging from the news helped!
Thank you for this great inspiring post. I will write about my lessons for the year 2020 before the year comes to an end.
Well, most people see the year 2020 in a bad light and feel it shouldn’t be so. They feel defeated and despondent.
Now, the truth about every seed including the seed of greatness is this. It overcomes the barrier and burden of the earth before it can sprout.
There is a lesson for everyone. And we can find them by writing the things that we planned to do that did not materialize.
And also those things we began that did not go as planned. Gaining insight from these things gives you insight.
This insight will help you make progress in the future.
I agree with you; we have more power and courage inside us. We only need to believe in ourselves.
I agree with you, Charles. Writing down our lessons can help bring clarity and give us strength. Having said that, it can take several drafts before we can find the essence of our lessons. It took me a long time to write this!
Oh Henneke I found your words chimed in so perfectly with how I am feeling right now ! I too feel I should be able to keep myself in good shape. I too have read so many self help books and absorbed so much that I feel I ought to know which way to turn in any circumstances.
But the immoveable fog has settled.I have much to be very grateful for I know and am aware. But still the glum dejection and lassitude slop round my ankles like thick seaweed.
So your amazing words I found not only comforting but helpful with the hints of what to do about it. Your illustrations are perfect and you have taken so much time to outline all the details of the state some of us have arrived at.
Now to move on !
For me there is a little job outside I will do . It is not raining or cold so that’s my plan !
Thanks a million Henneke! You have popped into my life at just the right time!
I hope you have a joyful time at Christmas.
The fog can feel unmoveable but with small acts of defiance, gentleness, and patience, it’s possible to let it lift and to let the light back in.
I hope doing your little job outside helps you. Being active and being outdoors helps me, too.
If the fog won’t lift, please remember it’s okay to ask for (professional) help.
Wishing you a Christmas that as good as it can be in these times. Thank you for sharing your story, Judith.
It’s been a tough one—a year of reflection and acceptance. But also lots of learning, reading, and re-connecting with myself. In whichever way this year has turned out for us who’ve lived through it, we’re stronger than before. The new perspectives 2020 has brought us will make the future easier to take on.
Thank you for supporting my soul, writing habits and brain with your blog and courses this year, Henneke. Here’s to new insights and a more joyful 2021.
That’s so true. We’ll be stronger and perhaps also more adaptable.
Thank you for all your support this year, Susanna. Wishing you a joyful 2021, too!
Thank you. It has been a foggy year indeed.
Yes, so much fog!
Just to wish you a merry Christmas. I have been a huge fan of yours for a long time. God bless
Dean
Thank you, Dean. I wish you a merry Christmas, too!
Thank you so much for writing and sending this. It is a wonder-full reminder.
Thank you, Lori. I’m glad you found it a good reminder.
The Frankl quote is one of my favorites that I have not thought about for some time. Thanks for the reminder!
The Frankl quote is one of my favorites, too. It’s such an important message. His book is inspiring, too. (As is Edith Eger’s The Choice.)
Beautifully said. Thank you, Henneke!
Thank you, Kit. I appreciate your compliment.
This was beautiful. And also so true. And extremely helpful. Thank you very much. Please be safe and take care. Always. And keep inspiring us!
Thank you, Beatriz. I hope you’re staying safe and well, too!