What if writing was like sculpting?
Imagine a huge piece of marble in front of you.
And in your hand, a chisel.
How would you sculpt a beautiful nude?
First, you conjure up an image in your mind: a vision of her beauty. Is she sitting or standing? Or dancing? What impression should she make?
Is she voluptuous or lean? Does she have small feet? Large hands? A big nose?
When you set to work, you consider the right proportions first—the length of her legs, arms, torso, neck and head. Then you work on the details—her delicate curves, her nose, eyes, and her hair.
Good writing is like sculpting
Sculpting your sentences is like making the light dance around the curves of your beautiful nude.
You eliminate excess words to create an enjoyable rhythm and a pleasurable reader experience. You allow your readers to dance through your content, feeling light and airy. You communicate your message with more clarity and strength.
Sound good?
To practice your sculpting skills, don’t work on a long piece of text. Instead, work on a headline, an opening or closing paragraph. Consider writing each sentence on a new line, so focusing your attention on each sentence becomes easier.
And the key trick?
Instead of trying to spot weak words, focus on meaningful words first.
Shall I show you how?
When I started my own business, it has given me a whole new perspective to see the bigger picture when it comes to finding a work / life balance.
Meaningful words in bold:
When I started my own business, it has given me a whole new perspective to see the bigger picture when it comes to finding a work / life balance.
Clear and concise version:
Starting my own business has given me a new perspective on work / life balance.
Note:
Many words have some meaning, but aren’t particularly strong. So don’t fret too long whether a word is meaningful or not. Go with your gut feeling; it’s not an exact science.
Also, in the example above, “the bigger picture” and “a new perspective” are similar phrases so I chose one and eliminated the other.
I will provide you with suggestions on your performance so you can overcome the challenges you encounter every day while working for a difficult boss, so you can feel less stressed.
Meaningful words in bold:
I will provide you with suggestions on your performance so you can overcome the challenges you encounter every day while working for a difficult boss, so you can feel less stressed.
Clear and concise version:
I help you overcome the daily challenges of working for a difficult boss, so you feel less stressed.
Note:
Verbs like “provide,” “add,” and “make” may seem meaningful, but they’re relatively weak. Often, you can “merge” them with a noun to create a stronger verb. For instance:
- To provide comments—to comment
- To add a splash of color—to splash colors
- To make progress—to progress
The nouns “comments,” “splash,” and “progress” are called “zombie nouns.” These nouns may sound impressive but they suck the lifeblood out of your verbs. (See “Zombie Nouns” by Helen Sword in the New York Times. Hat tip to freelance writer Jonathan Tee for the article.)
Our mastermind group for beginning solo-entrepreneurs will help you fight the solitude related to a solo-business and provide a sounding board to make the right decisions faster, so you can stop dithering and make progress faster.
Meaningful words in bold:
Our mastermind group for beginning solo-entrepreneurs will help you fight the solitude related to a solo-business and it will provide a sounding board to make the right decisions faster, so you can stop dithering and make progress faster.
Clear and concise version:
Our mastermind for beginning solo-entrepreneurs helps you fight solitude. We help each other make decisions, so your business grows faster.
Focusing on meaningful words helps you understand what your sentence should communicate, so your content becomes more concise and your message becomes clearer.
But writing concisely may take more time and effort than you’d think. At times, you may pull out your hair wondering how to make a sentence shorter. That’s normal. Don’t despair.
Sculpting your sentences takes practice. Approach it as game (not an exam!), work through different variations, and give yourself a time limit, so you don’t keep fussing for hours.
The more you practice, the faster you tighten your sentences.
Good writing is a craft
Tools not rules: We could think of writing as carpentry, learning how to use a set of tools. Rules were all about what is right and what is wrong. Tools are all about cause and effect, what we build for the audience.
~ Roy Peter Clark (source)Tightening sentences is one of many tools in your writer’s toolbox. And no strict rules exists about how much you should tighten your sentences.
You’re the writer. It’s your voice. So write like you want to write. Be careful you don’t chisel away the fascinating details and suck the life and energy out of your content. Read your copy aloud. How does it sound? What’s the rhythm? Is reading your text tiring or invigorating you?
Writing as tight as possible is not your aim.
Your ultimate aim is to communicate your message with clarity so you can connect with and inspire your audience.
PS Thank you to Darryl Hewitt for inspiring this post.
Recommended reading on writing clearly and concisely:
How to write like Hemingway
How to write concise and persuasive emails
How to eliminate wordiness from your writingReader Interactions
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Comments
What a brilliant way to look at editing for clarity! It’s so simple. And I love your comment “writing as tight as possible is not your aim”.
Yes, I think we can get a little too obsessive with tightening our sentences. (I certainly suffer from obsessive tightening syndrome 😉 )
But most readers don’t care too much about an excess word here or there, as long as the text feels good and the message is clear.
Neat article!
I like the idea of starting with strong words instead of just eliminating weak ones.
Switching focus often helps solving problems in general. In German this problem solving technique is called Flip-Flop-Technik. (so the term ,flip flop’ technique might exist in English …?)
Instead of asking: How do I get more visitors to my website, simply ask: How can I keep people from visiting my website. And so on.
Offers a complete new point of view.
As your article did. So: Thanks as usual. 🙂
I’ll definitely try this.
Hi Chris,
I like the strong words idea, too. It’s easy to remember because it reminds me of the healthy eating advice: don’t focus on taking foods out of your diet, rather think about good foods you can add in!
Henneke’s posts are always so actionable.
I love the idea of calling it the Flip-Flop technique and hadn’t thought of it as a creative method to solving problems. I like it. I’ve probably used it unconsciously, but now I’ll try to use it more often!
The verb “to flipflop” also exists in English. It’s mostly associated with politicians changing their minds and making u-turns on policies.
Thank you for your comment, Chris!
Brilliant, Henneke …I love how you illustrate your points so clearly. (So many bloggers spout (or worse, regurgitate) generalised advice without clarifying examples.)
I still spend too much time writing long sentences and then carefully pruning them back, but this confirms that I’m on the right track. 😉
Yes, it is time-consuming, but I’ve found I’m going faster now as start recognizing patterns. If you’re pressed for time, perhaps try to focus on the most important parts of your content, so for a blog post: tighten the headline and subheads, plus the opening and closing paragraph. You can’t always edit everything.
Good to see you again, Sue!
Hi Henneke
Happy New Year! I hope 2017 brings you health, joy and just enough challenge to make your life sparkle :). I’ve just started following you on Instagram, you are doing such beautiful lettering work there.
I am amazed at how your ‘meaningful word’ exercises offer a super-streamlined way of editing. When I compare it to how I usually edit (wading through paragraphs, thinking very hard, feeling overwhelmed), I think adopting this approach will save me a lot of time and brain-pain :D.
Thank you!
Have a great week.
I love it, Alison! I feel your brain pain!!
Take care and, shall we edit and write the Henneke way? The world will be a better place:) LOL
Take care, Sue-Ann
Yes, let’s write the Henneke way and leave brain pain for others 😉
When writing, I also suffer from brain pain sometimes. I don’t think it’s possible to eliminate all pain. Writing is also learning and thinking, and that can be hard. Even Stephen King says writing feels sometimes to him like “shoveling shit” (even when you’re doing good work!).
But I do think we can make it a lot easier by breaking the process down in doable steps (and by understanding what’s blocking us).
I agree that eliminating all pain is unrealistic. At the same time I definitely like breaking the process down, and figuring out what the blockages are.
Yes, that has really worked for me, trying to understand where I get stuck in the process and why, and then find tactics to deal with it.
Happy writing, Alison!
Thank you for your compliment on my hand-lettering. I’m having a lot of fun and quite like Instagram so far (only dipping my toe in!). I might bring more of the handlettering to my blog here, but for now I’m happy to explore and share on Instagram.
I think the trick with editing and not feeling overwhelmed is to focus on one problem at a time. So first, get your content right, before starting to tighten your sentences, and don’t worry about getting everything right (“right” doesn’t exist in writing anyway), focus on what you think will have the biggest impact on your writing.
Good to see you again, Alison. Wishing you a sparkling 2017, too!
I think this one and leaving out points that are obvious to the reader are a perfect match to making a sentence tight but just in the right way.
Thanks for sharing practical tips
Happy writing, Daniel!
Hello Henneke,
Your statue carving analogy is brilliant.
I’ve been finding lately, that I am editing more of my writing to cut out the
fat in sentences.
edited version: Lately, I am editing my writing to cut out the fat in
sentences.
That’s an example. 🙂
Great article I enjoyed with my Monday morning coffee.
Thank you.
That’s another great example of how to tighten a sentence! 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the analogy, Ray. Good to see you again!
Wow. This was helpful! Thanks, Henneke!
I do “write tight”. (To which my daughter would add a soft “-ly”.) Ha!
However, with the test I found when following your link to Helen Sword’s article, I discovered a leak in my tightness mold. Since my next article is scheduled to post in an hour, I ran most of it through the test. The improvement is exciting.
And in the time I spent correcting one article, I feel I developed a knack for hearing unnecessary words, so maybe my writing will improve even more.
I love killing two birds with one stone.
Yeah, on writing tightly … my hunch is that “writing tight” has been used so often that it’s become acceptable? But I’m not sure whether I’m right. What do you think?
I’m glad you enjoyed the Writer’s Diet test. I probably should have mentioned it in the post, too. I’m glad you made up for that and mentioned it in your comment. Great addition! 🙂
“Write tight” may be the name of a writers’ book. It rhymes. So it makes sense. It only grates on my daughter’s nerves for a moment. I like it. 😀
I was super glad to find that test and am so thankful I followed the link. I don’t always. Thanks again!
Splash colors. I like that!
And thanks for the neat trick: “Focusing on meaningful words helps you understand what your sentence should communicate.”
I’ve used one like this in the past, but this is giving me new ideas.
That makes me happy, Jeff 🙂
Thank you for stopping by. Happy writing!
Great Ideas to improve writing skills. I am indebted to you. Thank you so much for the sharing.
You’re welcome 🙂
What a fabulous way to show readers your editing process! Love this.
The end result is stronger sentences that make reader benefits the star. Bye weak words.
Thanks, Henneke!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Liz. I appreciate it.
Bye bye weak words. Hello strong messages 🙂
Oh Henneke:
The tricky balance of black and white to color!
I love this sentence, “Be careful you don’t chisel away the fascinating details and suck the life and energy out of your content.” (feel that coming out as a quote somewhere, sometime soon!) Because when I strip to essentials only, it sounds and feels dry and, frankly, not like me! And yet, editing is essential to great writing and learning how to write better.
I suppose it comes down to playing (like we so love to do!) with words, mixing how they sound, how they feel, and how they mix with both your message and your voice. Hey, maybe that’s another quotable!! lol
p.s. Love Henrietta’s sculpture. Clearly, that girl has talent:)) Oozing.
Thanks for everything you do, Henneke, to keep inspiring each week!! Sue-Ann
Yes, writing is about expansion and shrinkage – balancing tightness but still having fascinating details. One thing to try is to create different versions of text. Take your draft and cut it by 25%, then cut it by another 25%. Leave the three versions and re-read them the next day. When you read the shortest version: do you feel something is missing? Have you sucked the energy out of it? Or is it actually the strongest version? If it’s not the strongest version, what is missing compared to the other versions? It’d be an interesting experiment. As you say, it’s a matter of playing to find out what you like.
I also didn’t know about Henrietta’s hidden talent for sculpting;-)
Hi Henneke,
I love this: “You eliminate excess words to create an enjoyable rhythm and a pleasurable reader experience.” I think it sums up the whole post.
The examples are excellent; they transform awkward sentences into precise points.
Thanks again for the tips!
– David
Thank you for your lovely comment, David. 🙂
Happy writing!
Excellent trick esp for me because it’s I find it impossible not to write looong rambling sentences 🙂 I loved the way you demonstrated the technique with examples!
Using your technique, I’m trying to run an edit on my latest piece but the problem is that I’ve used 2-3 sentences for a single idea. Id possible, can you please help me with that. Here’s an example (among dozen other such instances):
“Critics who were labeling the health-technology pair as a ‘fad’ have gone quiet. Technology-driven innovations in the healthcare space are here to stay. The number-crunchers have shown us that any innovation in the healthcare industry will not be possible without technology.”
Thanks in advance and I always look forward to your tricks of the trade in my inbox.
Writing good sentences is not just about tightening, but also about transitions. Your sentences stand alone without giving a reader a hint how they’re connected. See more here: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/transitional-phrases-and-sentences/
Here’s one way to make the content smoother:
Have you noticed nobody talks about health-technology as a ‘fad’ anymore? That’s because research has shown healthcare innovation is impossible without technology. For instance, … [add example of research results].
Thank you very much! Your magical touch has made it ‘enchanting’!
You’re right, I need connectors here.
Thanks again 🙂
Hi Henneke,
Thank you for posting this. After reading your post I thought your website could be a wonderful place for your readers to exchange tips and ideas, like a feedback given to each other after reading the lessons in your posts. We, your readers, could show how we applied what we learned from you. Maybe you could consider adding a forum section.. Just a humble idea 🙂
I love your drawings. Only seeing them helps me remember what the post was about, even without reading it.
What a lovely comment. Thank you, Denise!
Let me think about your forum idea. I love the idea and definitely can see the benefits for readers, but I am a bit nervous about extra work and adding complexity to my website (I’m working behind the scenes on simplifying it). I’m running a forum for my course website and have found that additional software makes running a website more complex.
I appreciate your thoughts and ideas!
Henneke,
Another fine article! I love the idea of focusing on what is strong rather than what’s wrong for editing. Reading your post reminded me of the book by Kurt Wright, Breaking the Rules. He also teaches about focusing on what is working rather than what is broken. Your article and his book will help me shift my focus away from being a perpetual problem-solver/finder.
Thanks
I love that idea: “focus on what’s working rather than what’s broken.”
As human beings, we’re probably wired to focus on problems (and weaknesses!). Let’s celebrate what’s going well and build on that 🙂
Thank you for your lovely comment, Chuck.
Thank you Henneke,
By taking out the unnecessary frills you are revealing the true beauty underneath.
I just used a metaphor to describe my appreciation,
My big passion is photography and to draw the eye of the viewer to the beauty I see.
You make your words vibrate with meaning.
Thanks, once again,
Nicolas
What a lovely comment, Nicolas. The way you describe this lets me see the similarities between photographers and writers as we both try to reveal true beauty, and by doing so we often try to make the ordinary extraordinary.
Thank you for your comment!
Henneke,
Not only are your sentences becoming ever more lean and potent—but your advice is as well. Great piece!
Thank you, Jon. That’s a lovely compliment!
Hi Henneke. What do you think of editing/writing apps like Hemingway? The URL is – http://www.hemingwayapp.com/
Do you think it’s a good way edit?
Hi Lanber, The Hemingway app is a useful tool, but no tool can replace the judgement of the writer.
Hi Lanber. I agree with Henneke. I use Hemingway every time before pressing “publish”. It does a good job pointing out potential problems. But whether I remove, improve or leave the words as they are is always a case-by-case decision I make myself.
I love this post especially because of the clear “how to” examples you can immediately put to use.
A question: Have you ever done it the other way round: First jotting down the main words and then working the sentence around them? (Trying to think of a metaphor here, but nothing good comes to mind. Clay pots, snowmen, play-doh? :))
I might have done that for blog post titles and for value propositions for home pages or product pages. I often play around with different words. But when I write the main text for a blog post I usually start with sentences.
How about you?
PS Perhaps it’s more like scrapbooking? Like trying to combine different elements together?
I never thought about it, actually. I think I do mostly the other way round: From main words to whole sentence. But sometimes I also do the “sculpting”, when I wasn’t able to identify main words in my head.
Something totally weird just happened: I started writing a new post… by creating a mind map with 1-2 words in each box (!) This is new 😀 But I think this proves that the other way (from short to long) comes more naturally to me.
But next time I have problems making a longer sentence short (which sometimes takes like forever) the technique you described in this post will be very helpful.
Yes, I do work in that way, too – starting a blog post based on a series of words. These words are like a high-level outline (or mindmap). I usually don’t write detailed outlines for blog posts, but work from a series of statements or words.
Writing is so fascinating. We all write in different ways!
Hi Henneke,
You mentioning the most important point here. Writing a post is just sculpting. First, you have to build an image of the content.
Crafting the content requires the vision. It maybe according to your readers or your blog, everything you do makes it better.
Use your words just like a chisel to sculpt.
Thanks for sharing with us.
~Ravi
Yep, that’s it. And keep your chisel sharp! 🙂
Thank you for stopping by again, Ravi. I appreciate it.
All the words I use in my stories can be found in the dictionary. It’s just a matter of arranging them into the right sentences
Yep, that’s so true. No single word is original, but the way we put more words together gives us our voice. Thank you for your comment, Sienna.
You did answer the calling for your life, “chisel”, “sculpt” and “tighten” so easy to envision. Henneke, you’re such a blessing and highly appreciated.
It is a delight learning from you, through you and sometimes you make it feel like with you. Thanks for being here.
What a lovely comment, Bernice. And yes, I’d like to cheer you on as if I’m there with you 🙂 Just like you all cheer me on to keep writing, too 🙂
This article is reflective of why your blog posts are briliant Henneke; Not only do you provide valuable information, you explain it in a way I am able to grasp and implement.
What could be better than that
What a lovely comment. Thank you so much, Ray. I appreciate it 🙂
Happy writing!
What a nice piece, sentence sculpting is challenging for me, but with this, I will continue improving on it. Tightening is a useful tool for sculpting a concise and clear sentence, not making readers bored with voluminous article with less engagement. Thanks
We all find it a challenge to sculpt our sentences! It’s hard work, but with practice, it becomes easier. Happy writing!
Always so inspiring! And concise, too.
Thank you Henneke for sharing your craft, I am a huge fan. That’s most of all helpful when writing texts it’s your job and sometimes all you look for is a bit of comfort.
Do you also have a suggested bibliography maybe?
Thank you for your lovely compliment, Paola.
I don’t have a suggested reading list at the moment, but my intention is to publish one in the coming weeks. Stay tuned 🙂
Hello Henneke, the way you describe the things is just amazing.
I m in love with all your small and useful tips. So simple and effective specially for the beginners like me. I have learnt a lot from you. A big thanx for great guidance.
Thank you for your lovely comment, Himani. Happy writing!
Wow… Amazing guide. You are a real genius.
Thank you, Kezang