Let’s talk for a sec.
Just you and me.
What do you like to read?
I devour a lot of fiction.
And I know it’s frowned upon in some business quarters.
And yes, I do understand. If you want to write better sales copy, then learn the principles of persuasion and study how the best copywriters write their copy. How does their copy engage? How does it take away your objections to buying? How does it nudge you to buy?
That’s all good advice.
But …
The best writers, the best stylists are fiction writers. Or maybe memoir writers.
So, if you want to learn from the best, don’t just study sales copy. Read good writing, too. You’ll absorb the styles, techniques, and rhythm of good writing. Even when you don’t realize it, your writing will become better. You’ll nurture a stronger voice. Your writing will become a pleasure to read.
Yes? You’re okay with me sharing some fab fiction writing?
This is what I’d love to share with you …
I just finished reading the fabulous novel The Queen of Dirt Island by Donal Ryan.
The opening instantly grabbed my attention and I can’t wait to share it with you. Just 3 sentences:
She was born.
Small but healthy, a fortnight early. Through a soft misty rain on her third morning her father drove her home, slowly, swaddled tight against her mother’s chest, her mother kissing her cheek over and over.
What does that teach us about good writing?
Let me share 3 key lessons and then, at the end, I’ll also show you how to apply these lessons to sales copy, too.
Okay?
1. The power of short
The opening sentence comprises only 3 words:
She was born.
The purpose of an opening sentence is to get readers to read the next sentence. It has to draw readers into the story, making them curious to read on. It’s easier to draw readers in with a short sentence because it takes less effort to read. Before readers know it, they’re already reading the next sentence.
In this case, the 3 words bring up several questions: Why is it relevant to mention she was born? What happens next? What will her life be like?
An opening sentence also sets the tone, and keeping it short and factual gives readers a sense of truthfulness. Even though we know this is fiction, it feels like this happened. She was born. Yes. No need for the author to dress it up and prettify it.
Short sentences are powerful, and Donal Ryan starts several other chapters with short sentences. For instance:
Paudie was arrested.
Chris proposed to Mother.
Nana had a bad turn.
There was blood.
Pearl was a year on earth.
Tears then.
It was just a fight.
A short sentence punches above its weight. It’s full of power, full of truth. It engages readers quickly and nudges to read on.
2. The pleasure of long
One of the things I most admire good writers for is how they can paint pictures in just one sentence.
Here’s that longer sentence from the opening of The Queen of Dirt Island again:
Through a soft misty rain on her third morning her father drove her home, slowly, swaddled tight against her mother’s chest, her mother kissing her cheek over and over.
It has everything, right?
A description of the weather (soft misty rain), timing (on her third morning), what’s happening where (her father drives her home, slowly) and then the expression of love and tenderness (swaddled tight against her mother’s chest, her mother kissing her cheek over and over).
Can you picture the scene?
Vivid imagery draws readers into a story. They feel like they’re there, witnessing the scenes. Better than a movie.
As a reader, the description above warms me. I can’t help but smile—even though there’s a sense of foreboding. Will the loveliness last?
Here’s another example of a long sentence telling a story—and another sense of foreboding—from the same book:
And one evening at the end of their first fortnight Josh drew her downwards from the branch, onto the soft damp ground at the water’s edge, and they were nearly naked and the sky above them was a cold still blue and Josh’s eyes were closed above her, and she wondered why he wasn’t looking at her, and she was about to tell him to stop when he opened his eyes, and she saw in them a light reflected from her own eyes, and she chose to believe that it was love that she saw there, furiously lit, and she drew him down and into her, and it was love, it was.
The key to painting such vivid imagery is to pay attention. Notice the details. Know what matters. And then put that into words.
3. The rhythm of long vs short sentences
I love a beautiful long sentence.
But I love a powerful short sentence, too.
And the greatest pleasure is in the mix of long and short. As Roy Peter Clark suggests: “Long sentences take readers on a journey. Short ones tell the gospel truth.”
Donal’s opening paragraph exemplifies that perfectly. The gospel truth is that she was born. And the journey are the lovely kisses from her mother while her father drives her home through the rain.
Read the paragraph aloud, and you’ll notice that the variation in sentence length helps create a pleasurable rhythm:
She was born.
Small but healthy, a fortnight early. Through a soft misty rain on her third morning her father drove her home, slowly, swaddled tight against her mother’s chest, her mother kissing her cheek over and over.
There’s music in writing, and learning to write well is like learning to make music.
Read your heroes. Absorb their rhythm. Then emulate it.
How Apple applies these lessons
Apple’s copywriters love short sentences, too.
For instance:
Start here. Finish there. Start an email on your iPhone and finish it on your Mac.
And, of course, their copywriters know how to vary long and short. In the following example, the longer explanation comes first, then the key message in a short sentence:
The new USB‑C connector lets you charge your Mac or iPad with the same cable you use to charge iPhone 15 Pro. Bye‑bye, cable clutter.
And they know how to paint vivid imagery with their words:
1000 songs in your pocket
And:
It’s like having seven pro lenses in your pocket, everywhere you go.
And:
Now you can take sharper close‑ups from further away — like a phenomenal photo of your friend or a goal in your daughter’s football match.
Apple’s sentences may not resonate as strongly as Donal Ryan’s writing. Of course not. It’s sales copy. It’s more hurried. It’s about connectors, cameras, and cables. You can’t be as lyrical about connectors as about love.
Still, the same principles of good writing apply: Be concise. Be precise. Be vivid. Write with rhythm.
How to write well
There’s joy in reading good writing.
A sense of connection with the author. The world opening up.
But there’s more than that …
As a writer, you notice the writing techniques used and you can try them out in your own writing. You sharpen your sense of what good writing is, and you absorb some of that goodness, even without realizing it.
That’s how you find and strengthen your writing voice, so you can share your ideas with gusto and connect with your readers more strongly.
It still feels like magic to me.
Happy writing!
Recommended reading on rhythm and good writing:
How to write a dazzling long sentence
Word repetition: How to make your writing resonate
How to vary sentence length
Thank you Henneke for your wonderful and inspiring articles. I have a question. I don’t write as a copywriter. I am a journalist who wants to create a community around my blog/magazine where I write about crime, justice and the media. Do I have to write many good articles but with less quality and less engagement? Or is it better to write few articles (one per week?) and take care of them as you teach?
I’ve always been in the camp of quality over quantity–sharing things of real value not sharing for the sake of sharing.
You had me at “Let’s talk for a sec”
Really? That’s nice!
Wow! The unspoken things. I love the way that Google autosaves as I write most of the time. I remembered this recently when Gmail failed to save a draft email to which I had attached a proposal. I forgot to send it late on Friday, and by Monday, the email had corrupted, the proposal was lost, and I had to start again. That’s the beauty of the Apple copy—the promise of simple business processes.
As for the fiction quotes—I want to buy the book!
I hope you’ll enjoy the book, too! Thank you for stopping by, Nick.
Great advice, and some powerful examples. Working as a high school English teacher for my day job, allows me to spend a lot of time reading great fiction aloud. To some degree, I think, as you suggest, writers absorb good style by reading great fiction and develop it for themselves by rolling their sleeves up and writing. A lot. See what I did there? 🙂 I love the way you opened this article.
That sounds so lovely: Spending a lot of time reading great fiction aloud. But then again, I do think that being a high school English teacher is challenging, too.
And thank you for your compliment on my opening. It felt good when I was writing it.
Thanks for the fantastic example, but if I were to write “slowly, swaddled tight against her mother’s
chest” with just a comma, the intelligent editor who assumes I don’t know how to write a full sentence would change it by putting a full-stop and adding “She is”. May be, it helps to be famous to write such sentences!
I assume you mean a full stop like this: “Through a soft misty rain on her third morning her father drove her home, slowly, swaddled tight against her mother’s chest. Her mother is kissing her cheek over and over.”
When you read it aloud, you’ll notice that it changes the rhythm quite a lot. The original is softer like a river that flows slowly. The full stop adds an abruptness to it.
It’s not a matter of being famous or not. It’s about listening to your writing and trusting your intuition of how you want it to sound.
Indeed. very magical Henneke.
Yes, magical.
I instantly knew how I want and need to change an opening story.
And I want to make time to read Donal.
Thank you Henneke
PS Website will launch soon
How exciting that your website is launching soon! I can’t wait to see it 🙂
I hope you’ll enjoy reading Donal Ryan’s book, too.
Great write up, Henneke, as always. Thank you.
Blessings,
Gina
Thank you, Gina. I am glad you enjoyed it. Happy writing!
Thank you Henneke. I love this! My book I’m plugging away on is Creative Non Fiction (with aspects of memoir) so it’s a great genre to use short and long sentences. Cheers from New Zealand.
Glenda
Yes, definitely. Happy writing! And thank you for stopping by.
Great stuff. As always.
Thank you for sharing
Thank you, Dannie
Your emails on writing are one of the few that survived my “Just say “No!” house cleaning in all areas of my life.
You get to the point. Cut to the chase. And then expand.
The comparison to music is true. I actually use another metaphor:
“Drop. Pool.”
It’s a term from whitewater kayaking .. of which I used to do a LOT. The best rivers IME have personalities .. a unique signature.
There will be a flurry of activity .. rapids, pourovers, eddies, churning, roiling .. as the river angulates steeper and succumbing to gravity’s inexorable pull on the gradient upon which it flows.
That’s the “Drop”.
And then .. the gradient flattens. Fury turns to flow. Furious whitewater bubbles give way to placid calm. A chance to grab one’s breath, take in the beauty of the canyon in which one is transported. Peace.
And then off we go again .. drop, pool, drop, pool, drop .. and on and on.
Before I lost most of my vison to glaucoma, this was my favorite outdoor rec pursuit. It viscerally filled my soul.
Anyway .. I see/ feel/ even hear .. the connection between music and rivers .. in writing.
Thank you, Doug. I love your comparison with rivers, especially your point about rivers having personality. I think that’s so true.
I read part of Amy-Jane Beer’s book “The Flow.” She used to kayak, too. Your comment reminded me of this:
“I’ve seen water of almost every colour, a million sunlit rainbows, and just one lit only by the moon. I’ve heard rivers trickle and lilt, thunder and roar. I’ve tasted them sweet and salty. I’ve seen them free, and I’ve seen them dammed and straightened. I’ve seen them flood and run dry. But do I know them? No, not really. Not at all.”
Yes: music, rivers, writing.
Thanks Henneke. I absolutely love being introduced to work I might never have come across, and your brilliance in dissecting the structure, the words, and the emotions!
Thank you for your lovely compliment, Susan. I hope you’ll enjoy reading Donal Ryan’s book. I also enjoyed his book “Strange Flowers.”
Have you ever experienced this Henneke?
You’re walking or gardening. Doing some mindless activity, when the poetry of a great sentence or idea bubbles up from nowhere.
You capture the essence of the thought, the words that excited you, with whatever tool you have with you so you don’t forget.
Later, when you sit down to write your masterpiece, the words just don’t flow like they did in your mind hours earlier. You read back what you wrote and it sucks. It was like seeing a mirage in the distance that never materialized.
I hate when that happens. I walk away from my computer feeling frustrated, waiting for the birth of another thought of inspiration, hoping next time it will be better.
That happens a lot. How it sounds in my mind is rarely how it turns out on paper. So, the trick is not to give up. The seed of the goodness was there. Leave it simmering and then return to it the next day or so. The good idea is not lost; it just needs some polishing.
It also happens that what at first seemed a splendid sentence, sounds overwrought once written. It needs to be simplified but the ideas behind it are still worth capturing.
This is why I focus on ideas first. Get those ideas on paper (no matter how wonky); and then I use the editing process to try and make the ideas shine.
Does that help at all?
Yes, letting things simmer for awhile is something I often do. I just need to capture the essence of my idea and how I wanted to say it.
Sometimes (most of the time), it needs a thorough polishing like you say.
But once in awhile, the genius of what first popped into my brain survives the editing process and becomes the focal point of the piece.
That’s what is so amazing and satisfying about writing.
Hope you’re doing well, Henneke.
Great insight. If only it were that easy to replicate, though. I guess that’s what practice is for. Thank You!
Yes, that’s such a good point. I don’t think there’s an easy trick for implementing this because a lot of this happens by feeling or intuition. It’s not like we think, this is a truth sentence so it has to be short, and then I need a longer one. It happens naturally through writing, editing, and reading aloud. Reading aloud helps a lot, and also paying attention to the rhythm of any writing you read, especially if you like it.
So much wisdom here. Thank you.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Bev. Thank you for stopping by.
Smart and powerful. This is strategic and smart thinking and advice. Thank you.
Thank you, Sue. I’m glad you like it and I appreciate your comment.