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How to Invite Readers Out of Their Bubbles: 3 Examples From an NYT Bestseller

by Henneke | 18 enchanting opinions, add yours? :)

Concrete Language Examples: How to Invite Readers Out of Their BubblesReading sometimes feels magical to me.

A good text transports me to a different world.

A thriller makes me live through the protagonist’s fears and triumphs.

A good memoir lets me feel the author’s feelings, experience their struggles, and understand how they make their life choices. I feel enriched and connected.

Even a good sales pitch makes me imagine how a product would make my life better, making me more eager to click Buy.

Unfortunately, a lot of non-fiction writing lacks such imagination.

Why?

Because non-fiction writing often remains too abstract, and abstract writing does not open readers’ minds to a new experience.

Only concrete language has this magic touch.

Want to know how to add this magic touch to your writing?

Invite readers into a different world

In his book An Immense World, Ed Yong describes the sensory experiences of animals.

I had no idea how much such sensory experiences differ. For instance, I used to think that mosquitoes hate the smell of DEET as much as I do. Isn’t that why they stay away from me when I lather my arms with anti-mosquito cream?

Wrong!

Mosquitoes taste with their feet. When they land on DEET-covered skin, they quickly withdraw because it tastes bitter.

It makes me wonder …

If I’d taste with my feet, would it be even better to walk barefoot on the grass?

Yong’s book doesn’t just provide fascinating lessons in sensory biology, it also shows us how to use concrete language to get readers out of their bubbles and invite them into a different world.

Here’s how …

Example 1: Make an abstract statement concrete

Humans have much sharper vision than most animals. Only birds of prey see more detail than humans.

But what does this mean in practice?

Yong explains:

On a bright day, people with excellent eyesight can distinguish the black-and-white bands [of a zebra] from 200 yards away. Lions can only do so at 90 yards and hyenas at 50 yards. And those distances roughly halve at dawn and dusk, when these predators are more likely to hunt.

Having sharper vision is an abstract statement. Distinguishing the black-and-white stripes from 200 yards rather than 50 is a concrete example, making it easier to imagine what vision is like for a hyena, and how their life is different.

So, to make an abstract statement concrete, ask yourself: What does this mean in practice? Then give at least one specific example.

Example 2: Tell a concrete story

The non-fiction books I enjoy most have two things in common.

First, they teach well and make me curious to learn more. Secondly, they harness the power of storytelling. Miniature stories are woven into the text, gripping me as if I’m reading fiction.

Yong’s book is full of miniature stories. Here’s how he illustrates the abstract idea that color perception differs between humans and animals:

It’s a sunny afternoon in March 2021, and I’m taking Typo, my corgi, for a walk. As we approach a neighbor who is rinsing his car with a hose, Typo stops, sits, and stares. As I wait with him, I notice a rainbow in the water arcing from the hose. To Typo’s eyes, it goes from yellow to white to blue. To mine, it goes from red to violet, with orange, yellow, green, and blue in the middle. To the sparrows and starlings perched in a tree behind us, it goes from red to ultraviolet, with perhaps even more gradations in between.

Did you imagine yourself walking with Ed and his dog Typo, too? Did you picture the different colored rainbows? This is how stories invite us into a different world.

Stories are always specific. They relate how a specific person (or animal) is acting in a specific situation. Yong used the story of walking his dog to explain how he and his dog perceive colors differently.

To use a miniature story to illustrate an abstract statement, ask yourself: How does this work in practice? What’s the situation in which this applies? Who’s in that situation and what are they doing?

Example 3: Ask readers to imagine

The two examples above showed us differences between humans and animals.

But what if you want to show how an animal experiences the world without going into differences?

You can use the same technique. For instance, otters have sensitive paws, and they experience the world under water through touch.

What does that mean in practice?

Here’s how Yong let’s us imagine what it’s like to be a sea otter:

Imagine that, right now, a sea otter is about to search for food. Floating on its back on the surface of the sea, it rolls and dives. It will only stay submerged for a minute—roughly the time it will take you to read this paragraph. The descent eats up many of the precious seconds, so once the otter reaches the right depth, it has no time for indecisiveness. In a few frantic moments, it presses its knobby mittens over the seafloor, inspecting whatever it can find. The water is dark, but darkness doesn’t matter. To some of the most sensitive paws in the world, the ocean is bright with shapes and textures to be felt, grasped, pressed, prodded, squeezed, stroked, and manhandled—or perhaps otterhandled. Hard-shelled prey nestle among the similar hard rocks, but in a split second, the otter feels the difference between the two, and pulls the former from the latter. With its sense of touch, its dexterous paws, and its overabundant mustelid confidence, it snatches that clam, yanks that abalone, grabs that sea urchin, and finally ascends to eat its catches, breaking the water at the end of this sentence.

Could you almost feel the movements of the otter’s paws? That’s because Yong uses strong verbs such as grasp, press, prod, squeeze, stroke, snatch, yank, and manhandle.

To describe what life is like for another animal or another human being, think about the details that matter most. How can you invite readers into their world?

We all live in our bubbles

Our sensory experience of the world feels all-encompassing.

It’s as if our experience is all there is.

Yet, we experience only a tiny fraction of the world around us, and we project our own experience onto others.

We shiver as we watch penguins braving the Antarctic chills on TV. We feel uncomfortable watching camels trudging through the hot desert. But what if penguins don’t feel the cold like we do? What if the heat doesn’t bother the camels?

As humans, it’s hard to imagine what life is like for a penguin or camel. We even find it hard to imagine the life of our fellow humans, and how different life experiences lead to different world views.

Isn’t that a great opportunity for us, writers?

We can let our readers experience different worlds, foster understanding, and help connect.

Book mentioned in this post:

The link below is an Amazon affiliate link. If possible, please support your local bookstore.

  • An Immense World: How Animal Senses Reveal the Hidden Realms Around Us by Ed Yong (highly recommended)

Further reading on concrete writing:

Abstract vs concrete language: What’s the difference?
Imagery examples: How to paint pictures with words
How to arouse the magic of sensory words (+ 75 example phrases)

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Comments

  1. Daniel Mero Dizon says

    November 17, 2022 at 10:56 pm

    What bothers me most about good write-ups is the trouble of expanding a germ of an idea to its colorful and vibrant zenith.
    Maybe I should try to incorporate some of these writing tips into my brand of writing and see some of those sparks fly.
    Thanks and more power Mam Henneke

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 18, 2022 at 3:29 pm

      Yes, it takes time and effort to write something like what Ed Yong has written. With experience, it becomes easier. But it’s never easy or quick. Good writing takes time. But I think it’s worth it as more people will actually read what you’ve written.

      Reply
  2. Kitty Kilian says

    November 16, 2022 at 2:25 pm

    Sensory writing, you are so good at it.

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 16, 2022 at 3:33 pm

      Thank you. It’s one of the things I love most about writing. But it’s Ed Yong who does it so well in this post. I just spotted it 🙂

      Reply
  3. Catalina says

    November 16, 2022 at 10:55 am

    Thank you, dear Henneke!
    As always, very instructive and useful information. I’d like to practice more of this technique, because I can’t muster yet the skill of telling meaningful stories in short. This seems to be the hardest part for me.
    Have a nice day!

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 16, 2022 at 11:24 am

      I hear you. Telling short, meaningful stories is challenging. What helps is to think of two techniques. First, descriptive writing—using just enough vivid details so readers can imagine the scenes (like this post discussed). Secondly, narrative writing—relating what happened to create drama and make people curious to read more.

      Happy storytelling! And thank you for stopping by 🙂

      Reply
  4. Pur says

    November 16, 2022 at 1:53 am

    Thank you Henneke, I will definitely apply this technique on my writing.

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 16, 2022 at 10:16 am

      Thank you, Pur. Happy writing!

      Reply
  5. Laura says

    November 15, 2022 at 11:09 pm

    Thank you! Always great examples!

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 16, 2022 at 10:17 am

      Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the examples. I had chosen the examples before I decided what the post would be about!

      Reply
  6. Deborah Alfred says

    November 15, 2022 at 8:49 pm

    This post reminds me of why I love descriptive writing. I fell in love with it in my penultimate year in uni and been embedding it in my writing(fiction and nonfiction) since then. I definitely will pay more attention to using concrete words to bring alive abstract situations, especially since writing can get monotonous when it’s your profession.

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 15, 2022 at 9:06 pm

      Yes, I hear you. Writing can become monotonous. That’s why I like to read good writing and get re-inspired.

      Reply
      • Alvin says

        November 16, 2022 at 1:48 am

        Hi
        Can you recommend some books on good writing?
        Thanks

        Reply
        • Henneke says

          November 16, 2022 at 10:16 am

          I’ve published my list with recommended books here: https://www.enchantingmarketing.com/best-books-on-writing/

          Reply
  7. Wally says

    November 15, 2022 at 12:51 pm

    Remember the pop song “Words of Love”?

    “If you love her then you must send her somewhere where she’s never been before.”

    Writing’s kinda like that too, ain’t it?

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 15, 2022 at 2:04 pm

      Yep.

      As the song continues:
      “Worn out phrases and longing gazes
      Won’t get you where you want to go, no”

      Reply
  8. joe says

    November 15, 2022 at 11:58 am

    Thanks Henneke, think I’ll try this technique writing about construction-related things. Most of the time we get in the weeds on abstract. I’ll try to create the roofing or concrete world. Also have a hold on Yong’s book in library. thanks very much.

    Reply
    • Henneke says

      November 15, 2022 at 12:04 pm

      Yes! I think it’s easy to stay technical and not mention how it will look and feel to live in a space.

      I hope you’ll enjoy Yong’s book as much as I did.

      Reply

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I never saw myself as a writer, but in my early forties, I learned how to write and discovered the joy of writing. Now, I’d like to empower you to find your voice, share your ideas and inspire your audience.
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