*sigh*
Have you noticed how many websites state that their customer service is excellent?
Do you believe them?
Or do you assume their service is average at best?
Well?
Let’s be honest.
In a world where marketers are shouting harder and harder, we trust their statements less and less. Potential clients are weary of marketing speak. They’re tired of wading through advertising messages they don’t believe.
Can you still cut through the marketing nonsense? And deliver credible and persuasive marketing messages?
Yes, you can. Today I’ll explain an easy trick that you can borrow from novelists. Follow this trick and your marketing copy becomes more credible and persuasive.
The power of itty-bitty details
Allow me to explain with a quick example.
Picture two people walking in woodlands. Can you imagine what they’re saying to each other?
Well?
That’s difficult, isn’t it?
Now, let’s try again.
Picture two guys in the woodlands. One is an older guy in a suit. The other carries a spade and he’s pointing a revolver to the older guy who’s walking about a yard in front of him.
Can you imagine what’s being said? And what’s going to happen next?
Much easier isn’t it?
The idea of two people walking in woodlands seems concrete, but it’s vague because you lack context. You don’t know enough details to imagine the scene.
People don’t think in abstract language and vague statements.
Fiction writers stress the importance of show, don’t tell
Knowing the difference between showing and telling is the single most important skill for powerful sentence-by-sentence writing. ~ James Thayer
The difference between showing and telling is quite simple. When you show something, you reveal a vivid scene. When you tell something, you just state your conclusion without vividness, without facts, without proof.
Let’s look at an example:
Henneke is weird. – That’s simply telling you something.
Boing. Boing. Henneke arrived in her wooden shoes at the cocktail party. – That’s showing you I’m weird, without telling it directly.
When you show your reader something, you allow your reader to hear, see, or feel something. And you also allow him to make up his own mind.
When writing marketing copy, you need to show rather than tell, too
When your copy states that you’re committed to customer service excellence, nobody believes you.
Readers immediately think yeah, yeah, that’s what everyone says. You’re not providing proof with specific details, so your statement isn’t credible. It’s just marketing drivel.
Potential client don’t care about your commitment, they want to know what your excellence in customer service means to them. How does working with you make their life easier or more enjoyable? Can you give an example? Can you provide proof? What is it that makes your service special?
Testimonials can help you get around the problem of marketing drivel. But even when you write a testimonial, you should still ask your client to explain exactly why she liked your customer service.
Imagine a testimonial that says you hand-delivered a new party dress when a client splashed a few drops of red wine on her favorite outfit. Or consider a testimonial that says you finished the web design on schedule despite the client providing late feedback. That’s far more persuasive than a testimonial stating your customer service is excellent.
Persuasive marketing messages are concrete
To convey a strong and memorable message, you have to sketch a concrete scene. You have to show rather than tell.
Words like service, quality, and performance are abstract concepts. You can’t examine them with your senses. As Chip and Dan Heath say:
If you can examine something with your senses, it’s concrete. A V8 engine is concrete. “High-performance” is abstract. Most of the time, concreteness boils down to specific people doing specific things.
Rather than simply describing your product as high-quality, you need to say exactly what makes the product so good. Is it the design? Is it the material? You have to dig deeper, because stating that the material is high-standard is still abstract. What is it exactly that makes your material so good?
To write good marketing copy, you need to describe the details. These tiny details may seem insignificant, but they boost the credibility of your sales copy, your product, and your company.
Professional copywriters know exactly how to apply the persuasive power of itty-bitty details. Apple copywriters, for instance, allow you to draw your own conclusion about the quality of their manufacturing process. They simply share the details:
Take the glass inlays on the back of iPhone 5, for instance. During manufacturing, each iPhone 5 aluminum housing is photographed by two high-powered 29MP cameras. A machine then examines the images and compares them against 725 unique inlays to find the most precise match for every single iPhone.
Amazon’s copywriters are not content with stating the weight of the Paperwhite. They paint a vivid image by comparing it to the weight of a paperback:
Weighing only 7.5 ounces, Kindle Paperwhite weighs less than a typical paperback.
The persuasiveness of your marketing copy
Caress the detail, the divine detail. ~ Vladimir Nabokov
When you next review your marketing copy, think about the memorable examples and the tiny details you can use to explain why your service is so good and why your product quality is so excellent.
Readers ignore vague statements.
But they remember vivid details.
Recommended reading on marketing copy:
How to persuade with facts and emotion
How to write seductive sales emails
17 copywriting do’s and don’ts [SlideShare]
I’m doing short amateur movies. I wrote a movie about two people arriving at a blue Caribbean beach on a sunny day exhausted. They speak spanish. And you probably now wonder what’s next.
In film you just show, you dont tell.
I never saw the connection with sales copy. I need to try this out.
Yep, you got it. As Drew Eric Whitman suggests, writing sales copy is like directing a mental movie. 🙂
I like the whole “show don’t tell” concept.
It’s funny how it would seem much more obvious in person. Like when a person puts a whole lot of time and energy into trying to tell you how great s/he is – it’s an automatic turn off!
That being said, even though I know this, I still find it challenging to write my own marketing copy in a way that is engaging and persuasive without the vibe of a sales pitch.
Maybe focusing on the details will help…
Thanks for another valuable and thought provoking post!
Melissa
Yes, I’m with you. The principle sounds easy, but implementing it can still be hard. As you say, try to focus on details that explain more generic statements; and think about examples that can illustrate your points. A simple example often tells a lot more than a grand statement.
Let me know how you get on?
oddly I thought the *sigh* was some kind of meta communication word and it barely registered!
Aren’t the different opinions on this one word interesting? I’ve found it fascinating to read the various comments.
Thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts, Lois. I appreciate it! 🙂
It’s not the wooden shoes that make Henneke odd, it’s that she sports a baffling winged white hat. Does it make you more aerodynamic?
Great blog post and definitely drivel-less.
P.S. I like the “sigh.” I agree it is a great starting point. It made me think to myself “I wonder what clog-and-winged-hatted Henneke was vexed about.”
Haha! Yes, a real traditional Dutch girl. Did I tell you I live in a windmill, make my own cheese, and sell overpriced tulips to tourists? 😉
Thank you – this is exactly what I needed to read. I’ve been looking at my site, knowing that something was wrong, and you’ve just put your finger on what it is for me.
So glad to hear it’s helpful. I like your name: Muddy Sheep. Very visual 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Wendy!
I like this post a lot Henneke. I can just imagine you in wooden shoes at a party. Showing lets a reader experience an emotion and telling makes them think ‘no it isn’t’.
I enjoyed the sigh starter.
P.S. It’s great to see you all over Copyblogger.
Yes, that’s exactly right. Most readers are a bit rebellious. They don’t like to be told what to think. So it’s better to let them experience.
Thank you for stopping by, Amy. I appreciate it. I should be back on Copyblogger on tomorrow 🙂
Show rather than Tell. This is great and so true and wise. Thank you.
You’re welcome. Great to see you included in the list of creative geniuses earlier this week!
Thank you, Henneke.
Love this! I’ve heard “show, don’t tell” (and said it myself) a million times in relation to fiction writing. It’s great to see it applied to marketing and blogging, especially with concrete examples!
Thank you, Jen. To be honest, it took me quite a while to understand what “show, don’t tell” really means. It seemed obvious in theory, but I didn’t quite understand how it worked in practice for a long time.
Thank you for stopping by!
Henneke,
I don’t think that showing up to a party in wooden shoes is weird. 🙂
Of course, I live in Austin, Texas . . . where we are very proud of our weirdness!
Seriously, I like your point relating to fluffy concepts like excellent customer service, etc.
Years ago I used to help people improve their resumes. Most resumes are lame and just list the facts and the chronology of your career. In other words they just tell.
I preached that your resume must communicate how well you performed your job duties and responsibilities.
Same for your website or other marketing copy. Right?
Yes, you’re absolutely right. A resume is just a sheet of personal marketing, isn’t it? Resumes are often full of fluffy statements without details and without proof.
And one day I’ll have to visit Austin! 🙂
Henneke, I send you some info via email. Bit too technical for comments!
Thank you. I appreciate your help 🙂
Love the idea of you clopping around in wooden shoes! (smile)
Yes, Dutch girls are crazy. But you knew that already, didn’t you? 😉
Of course. Henneke would wear her wooden shoes anywhere! 😉
😉
At my previous company, every product description includes words like breakthrough technology, high performance, fast speed, etc. I told the product marketing managers that these words don’t say anything meaningful about the products and challenged them to come up with something more concrete and quantifiable.
The truth is that it takes efforts to write something that is concrete and detailed, but most people are lazy in general.
Yep, that’s absolutely true. Not only does it require a lot more time, it also requires detailed knowledge (or at least a willingness to learn!).
Good to see you again, Peter. 🙂
Thank you, thank you Henneke. Yesterday, I started a new marketing piece. After reading your post with my morning tea, I now have the knowledge and confidence to create a piece that is more detailed, fun to read, and persuasive. PS. I like the *sigh*…:) It made me think, what’s that for and then I got it after reading the next few short sentences. I was immediately engaged.
Great! 🙂
Thank you so much for stopping by again, Holly. I appreciate it.
Adding colours on the background of your drawing works well! It gives strength and presence to the picture. Great shadow too, it brings contrast 🙂
Thank you, Véronique 🙂
Still experimenting with drawing! 🙂 I just find that when having a background color, it’s more difficult to get a clear scan.
One thought re the scanner, I’ve found some brands are better than others. I can’t get a decent scan out of HP, Epson is ok. The best I’ve had is from an old multifunction Brother – the scans were perfect. The while was white, not grey for instance. I use a Mac, so there’s that interaction too. Anyway – just thought I’d mention. Might be worth experimenting. Love your work, as always. (I’m reading Bird by Bird – is fantastic. Thank you:))
It looks like you’ve used very pale colour from pencils and it’s more difficult to get from a scan than a thick black line for example. You mix both…
Do you use Photoshop?
Which resolution do you use for the scan? Better do it at 300 dpi, work on your scan if you need to adjust or change some details, and then when you are pleased save your picture in a lower resolution for the web.
How big is your original illustration?
I tried up to 360 dpi. The original drawing is 12cm by 12cm. Do you think that’s too small? I use Corel to crop and re-size images.
The background is lighter in the scan than in the original drawing.
Glad you like Bird by Bird! 🙂
I got an Epson scanner, but it’s quite a basic model. It appears to be fine with scanning white, but it’s the colors and especially the black lines that are tricky.
I’m using an ancient Epson scanner I found for $5 in a second hand store. Gives me better results than either of our two HP’s. I adjust images afterwards using Photoshop but it takes time:)
Another writer just mentioned Bird by Bird to me yesterday and now I’m seeing the title again. Maybe I should give it a go!
Show don’t tell you said.
*sigh* is visual.
It portrays a picture with an emotion attached, all with one word.
Great Stuff.
Danny
Yep, *sigh* somehow manages to be visual, auditory, and emotional 🙂
Thank you for stopping by, Danny.
Leave it on, it offers a moment of pause before reading :-).
Yep, and I don’t like to start with a long sentence!
Thank you, Lynne.
I kinda like the sigh. A lesser writer might have started with, “I breathe a heavy sigh when I read website copy stating that their customer service is excellent.” Henneke chooses a one-word opener to dramatize the “itty-bitty” theme. Schmart, very schmart.
Reading Terry’s comment, I wondered whether it was too negative an opening. But maybe not.
Thank you, Jack. 🙂
Sigh is a great start because it makes reading the next sentence automatic. It gets the momentum going, which is really to main purpose of the first sentence. As a reader when I read “sigh” it’s both short and perplexing. I read it without any effort because it’s only one word, but then my brain makes me continue to figure out what you’re sighing about. Just my thoughts 🙂
Yes, you’re absolutely right. The only purpose of the first sentence is to get you to read the second sentence.
Good to see you again, Paul 🙂
Good piece (although I must say I hated the start *sigh*)
Hmmm. Yes, I can see your point. Maybe I should take it off…?
Don’t just change on my account-I’m old fashioned and pedantic.